Grand Plans: September 14, 2023

A semi-monthly newsletter from Grand Plans designed to normalize and celebrate our glorious geri-destiny through information, stories, real talk conversation, smart planning and shared experience.

Sep 14, 2023

Geri-news you can use

We can all learn something about life and living it from Bobbie West — what a beautiful story in the Florida Times-Union.

I used to think my grandparents were total fitness wimps because their only exercise was an after-supper stroll. Boy, was I wrong. Mea culpa!

So, one of the suggestions on how live a longer, healthier life is to give up the Chardonnay, which admittedly sounds super horrible and wrong, but the other suggestions in this Katie Couric Media article are simple and smart.

Even the best-made grand plans can lose traction when infrastructure and transportation challenges trip us up, as this New York Times piece articulates well. “For many of us, leaving our homes and navigating the outside world doesn’t require much effort. But for older adults, our towns and cities are filled with obstacles — stairs, unsafe sidewalks and crossings, inadequate lighting — that grow increasingly difficult for them as they age. On top of that, most American cities lack robust public transportation.”

A hobby a day really does keep the doldrums away it seems.

Looking for a new career, or need some advice for a law school yoot? Elder law attorneys are in high demand.

Wondering how to spend down your assets for Medicaid, or what the heck that means in real people talk? This U.S. News & World Report article will get you up to speed on the ins, outs and arounds of spending down.

This is quite possibly the most disturbing concept for a horror movie I can imagine, just no.

26 years later…someone’s back at the hospital. The General Hospital. #RetiredNot

You’re never too old or hoary to get after it in the workplace, but not everyone seems to agree. I give this issue a big BOO.

And this gets a double BOO — gendered ageism. Please and no thank you.

And now for a HOORAY. Big thanks to President Jimmy Carter for his example of strength and the power of hospice. Hospice is everything.

Good to know

Healthy Living Tips: How to Know When it’s Time to Give Up the Keys?"

Geris-prudence

In this section, we’ll put our legal eagle eyes on geriatric, elder and estate planning law issues via links to important stories, expert tips or articles. Today’s piece is from the National Law Review. The verdict? It is is a very helpful resource that will inform your answer to the question, “When should I think about estate planning?” Spoiler alert: it’s now.

Fit as a fiddle

We are pumped to bring you health, fitness and wellness news from expert sources in this space. Today, we are sharing an informative piece by Wellness Discovery’s Heather Hausenblas, PhD called, “Get a Grip: Strength Training Related to Reduced Dementia, Says Science.” “Imagine yourself in the gym, building strength and feeling empowered. What if I told you that your strength training regimen could do more than just enhance your physique Research conducted in the UK has uncovered a correlation between grip strength and dementia, highlighting the benefits of this often-overlooked aspect of physical fitness.” Read the article here.

The grand sum

Money talks, ya’ll — and in this section, we will share articles and advice about how to make sure you, and your loved ones, have enough of it for that senior stroll we’ll all be on one day.

In the AARP article “12 Things to Tell Your Kids About Your Money,” financial experts weigh in on the important discussions we need to be having now with our children and one-day caregivers. “It’s important that your children understand your finances in the event something happens and you’re not able to manage them yourself,” says Kerry Hannon, a best-selling author and personal finance expert in the AARP article. Follow this link and learn more about how to keep your family informed about your financial management.

Podcast News: Grand Plans Season 2

We are totes stoked to launch Season 2 of the Grand Plans podcast. My daughter Marley Barton and her friends kick things off with some candid conversation about “old people stuff.” We also have interviews with Realtor Kimberly Waterhouse and media maven Kerry Speckman ready to share, with many more exciting guests on the schedule including a health and fitness expert and a professional who helps families navigate all things geri. You can find links to all published Season 1 and 2 Grand Plans podcast episodes here. Enjoy!

Things I’m prattling on about today

An important step to mitigating geri-drama is focusing on your health and spirituality. That means, looking out for your well-being — inside and out — on that senior stroll if you know what’s best for you.

The elders in my family, all pictured here at our dining room table amazingly, ranged from meh to A+ on these points, I hope to do better, we’ll see.

Let’s start on the left with my paternal grandmother Clint: total A+ in going to her Christian Science Church in Goliad TX and praying for people and contemplating scripture, meh in exercise but took a walk after dinner always. Actually, all these folks get a meh in exercise, all dabbled in post-supper walks only. Next is Aunt Bess: who played piano and organ for the same church. My maternal grandfather Woodsy was raised Episcopalian and then went CS, not super spiritual but did say goddammit at the television a lot. Next up, my maternal grandmother Bobbie, was raised Methodist and LOVED televangelist television on Sundays — and Dallas, and Fantasy Island, and The Love Boat. My paternal great-grandmother Pennye is next to me and the last to assess, she was a die-hard Presbyterian and general bad a**.

So there we have it. Takeaway: whatever motivates you spiritually, do that. And not only will going for a walk after dinner help your food settle, it apparently will keep you healthy and strong. #Grandplans

Today’s book recommendation is The Book of Charlie: Wisdom from the Remarkable Life of a 109-Year-Old Man. It is not a how-to guide, or a resource on getting older, it’s a beautiful story of a man’s life, its richness and the teachable moments he gleans from it all. You’ll learn some interesting history and feel inspired by his example. The Free Press wrote a lovely piece on the book, and you can find it here. Visit this link to purchase the book via Amazon.

Shared experience

We can all learn from each other’s geri-scary moments. What are some of your takeaway lessons? What have you promised yourself you’ll never do to your loved ones? What worked for you? What didn’t? More conversation and story-sharing helps elevate the geri-experience for all of us. If you are willing to share your grand tales, email susannabarton@me.com and I’ll put them in an upcoming newsletter. Here’s today’s Shared Experience:

“I could probably write a book after shepherding my in-laws and my parents through independent living, assisted living and hospice. My husband’s dad had Alzheimer’s but his mom was alert and mostly oriented to time and place up until the last few weeks of her 94 years. My dad had Frontotemporal Dementia and began losing his speech about two years before he died. My mom was alert and aware until the end. Independence. That’s the key to everything. No one wants to lose their independence. Sometimes it’s just gradually eroded and other times it’s lost in big chunks. Trying to find the balance between independence and safety (both physically and financially) is crucial to everyone’s happiness. Loneliness is a big deal for many. Our parents were lucky to have friends and family but we saw so many people in assisted living who had no one, or only some relatives far away who called a few times a year. What we won’t do: Long-term care insurance. Luckily we are in a position to save and plan without too many worries of outliving our funds. Both sets of parents paid into LTC insurance for a long time. My parents chose a policy that would pay for in-home care. When it came time to use it the caps on monthly expenses for caregivers were too low for them to stay where they were and the policy didn’t cover ALF so it was a waste. My husband’s parents chose a policy that paid for care in ALF or Skilled Nursing. It started paying after the 1st 90 days. My father-in-law dad died within six months so only used three months worth of coverage. His mom died within eight weeks of moving into the ALF and never used a dime of her coverage. I would imagine that there are more varied options available today.

While my MIL and mother were both “with it” when they became widows their decision-making abilities had diminished and they worried about things that had never been issues in the past. The best example is that my parents told us (I am the youngest of 5) all our lives that they were planning on spending the last dime on the last day and we shouldn’t expect an inheritance. Once my dad died my mother was so worried about money and we kept telling her that she didn’t need to be because there was plenty. The reason she was worried? She wanted to be able to leave us something!

I have a million more stories- getting old sucks. The big lesson I will try to remember when my kids put us in “the home” is that they love us and want what’s best.”

— Anonymous

O-Bitchin

This obituary really moved us and we can all learn so much from its honesty, humor and storytelling. Enjoy!

Anna Brelsford Coiner

Anna Brelsford Coiner, known to all as Annie B, ABC, or ABC123—daughter of Tyler, TX, longtime resident of San Antonio, erstwhile New Yorker, frequent visitor pour Paris, France, Europe (it always had to be said this way), Godmother to six, collector extraordinaire, and wanderer par excellence—rambled on to her holy reward at the age of 79, Thursday, May 25, 2023.

Born Anna Harvey Brelsford to Virginia McElwee McLeod and Gordon Lee Brelsford on January 23, 1944, in Tyler, TX, Annie B considered herself blessed by the sequential month and date of her birth. Had her mother waited a year, Annie could have scored the trifecta and been born on 12345, but that was not to be. This probably bothered her.

Annie B attended Hockaday (C’62), spent two years at Briarcliff and graduated from the University of Texas with a degree in Studio Arts in 1966. She was a “Pi Phi” at UT where she forged many lifelong friendships. Annie B was presented as a debutante in the 1963 Texas Rose Festival in Tyler celebrating My Fair Lady in “The Realm of Musical Theatre” and at the Silver Rose Ball in Vienna, Austria, Europe in 1964. She took great pride in her heritage and her education and relished family, history, and tradition. Annie B had a profound interest, which often bordered on exhausting, in family trees.

In 1968, she married Bev Coiner, making her initials A.B.C., and there was no looking back. From that point forward, Annie B branded herself “ABC” or “ABC123” and wove her acronym into every conversation she had. It was catchy, it stuck, and she was relentless in its application. Reenforced through constant repetition, it had the very deliberate added benefit of imprinting her birthday on her audience. While the marriage didn’t last, the name did. There was no changing ABC*! (Click here to continue reading about ABC’s incredible life.)