Grand Plans: July 4, 2024
A semi-monthly newsletter from Grand Plans designed to normalize and celebrate our glorious geri-destiny through information, stories, real talk conversation, smart planning and shared experience.
Things I’m prattling on about today
Happy Fourth of July! I’m having my own personal memory fireworks display today, wondering what kind of grandparent I will be when I grow up. Not very patriotic, I know. But imagining what kind of grandmother my mom might have been should she have lived long enough to be one—and envisioning my own grandparenting future—is about as American as Coca-Cola, Jello, hot dogs, Velveeta, Miracle Whip and apple pie with a big dollop of Cool Whip on top.
The photo above inspired my thinking on the topic. It was taken at the Farm one hot summer decades ago. For starters, that is our dog Heather in the photo, but that is NOT my baby Mom is holding. That little nugget is Krystyna, the cousin baby who became the flower girl in our wedding a few years after this photo was taken — and Mom was long gone. Is this the way her grandma-hood might have looked if she’d lived? I find myself trying to glean something, anything, from this snapshot of a random image.
I observe older women around me and note their strengths — and mandate privately which ones I’d like to carry forth as a Grandma. For example, I want to put others first always like my friend, Suzanne, write keeper letters like Grandmother and show up when it matters, like my grandmother Bobbie. On the flip side, I won’t hoard things and be demanding like my Aunt Bess or smoke in the garage like some relatives I adore. Learning from and modeling others is a grand practice that yields, repackages and repurposes everyone’s very best.
Still, I wonder what I might have learned from my mother, who died when she was 51. Even more, I wonder what kind of older lady she might have been if things were different.
So I’m going to imagine it. Here goes:
Bobbie Ann Person would have DEF been a natural ager and embraced her wrinkles and grey hair and sunspots. She would have rather choked herself than spend money on Botox or fillers or plastic surgery of any kind because, one, it’s expensive and you can’t buy that stuff at Solo Serve or in the “irregular” section of the store and two, she would never want to dampen the natural shine God gave her.
She would wear comfy clothes and SAS shoes and be a squishy, huggable grandma who would rub your back with her whole hand during a long embrace.
She would be an “I-love-you” older person.
Bobbie Ann Person was a slacks and muumuus kind of fashionista. She was never focused on showing off her body, just on being radiant.
When she visited, she would get up early and make breakfast for everyone, remembering everyone’s favorite morning yummies.
She would listen and help the young people in her life see the other side of the argument or how someone else may be feeling. She’d be good at encouraging folks to walk in someone else’s shoes without pissing them off or making them feel like she wasn’t being supportive of her people.
She would plan stuff. We would know months ahead of time when Grandma was coming to visit and where we were all getting together next. Family trips and gatherings would be a priority. She would come stay at the house for a week with the littles and the animal mayhem so the young parents in her life could get away for some rest. She’d DEF drive carpool.
Bobbie Ann Person would be a scripture-sender and she would have mastered key communication technology to facilitate this activity. She would text things like “I’m thinking of you” and “I love you” and “I know this is a big day for you, praying for you” etc etc etc. She’d be the master of text support.
She would be an expert and low-key gift-giver. Her thoughtfulness would have no limits.
She would be the grandma who doesn’t sing great, but loves to belt out hymns at church.
She would be kind words and support only. She would prefer the servant role over all others.
Bobbie Ann Person would know when it was time to make life changes.
Maybe this is fantasy. Maybe if Mom was still living, she’d be annoying with her scripture-sending and pushy about her trip-planning. Maybe I’d be wrecked with frustration about some of her less desirable traits. Worse, maybe she’d get really sick and need care and support for a very long, grueling time. Maybe Mom would be a crappy grandma, who knows. But imagining the very best version of her, even if it’s more like reality television than actual reality, makes her a beacon (the Fourth of July fireworks!) on my horizon — shining brightly for me to follow, model and become.
News you can use
Apparently I’m not the first person to imagine what kind of grandparent I will be. There are even categories and they are “distant, formal, fun-seeker, surrogate parent and reservoir of family wisdom” and now I’m not sure at all what category I will fall into except that it won’t be distant or formal, hopefully.
When I envision my grandma status, I definitely imagine sweet break dance moves.
I’ll definitely refer to this handy help guide for some tips when the time comes.
In other news…I hope to see some of you this summer at these events:
Grand Plans Podcast
I welcome any podcast guest suggestions! This season we’re talking to people who have been there done that. We’re talking about our experiences and lessons learned. Let me know if you want to be part of the conversation and sharing!
Geris-prudence
Yes, grandparents have rights, too. Read up on them here in this short piece from Forbes.
Advanced health and wellness
I don’t take many medications, but I will make sure to put them away when the grands come over for a visit, yikes!
And this is a helpful reminder…
The grand sum
Looks like I’ll need to be saving my pennies for the grands I hope to have one day. From AARP:
“Grandparents today are actively involved in their grandchildren’s lives. Although most grandparents (79%) do not consider themselves a financial supporter, the breadth of expenses they provide for their grandchildren tells a different story. Nearly all (94%) grandparents provide some sort of financial support, helping to ease the costs of raising kids. That said, some are providing support to their grandchildren at the cost of their own needs.” Read the report here.
Shelf life
Order a copy of Grand Plans and the Grand Planner for all your friends. Why not start a summer book club and hold each other accountable?
Shared experience
We can all learn from each other’s geri-scary moments. What are some of your takeaway lessons? What have you promised yourself you’ll never do to your loved ones? What worked for you? What didn’t? More conversation and story-sharing helps elevate the senior experience for all of us. If you want to share your grand tales, email susannabarton@me.com and I’ll put them in an upcoming newsletter.
Some golden gedunk and goods
Get yourself another few copies of Grand Plans: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and the Grand Planner for all the people who like getting gifts in your life! Visit www.mygrandplans.com for links to purchase on Amazon.
And
Check out our Grand Plans merch in our Etsy storefront.
