Grand Plans: July 3, 2025
A semi-monthly newsletter from Grand Plans designed to normalize and celebrate our glorious geri-destiny through information, stories, real talk conversation, smart planning and shared experience.
Things I’m prattling on about today
Unless, you're living under a rock, you probably have been drawn into podcast interviews, books and articles on or by the lovely-sounding psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson. She's been on the Mel Robbins podcast, Dan Harris featured her work on his podcast "10 Percent Happier" a year ago and Gibson's book, Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting or Self-Involved Parents has been described as a 1 million "slow burn bestseller" since its 2015 release. Gibson was the subject of a recent "The Interview" conversation by the New York Times and she has appeared on multiple other podcasts, magazines and high falootin' newspapers and magazines within the last few months. This girl is on a roll. Gibson and her real talk about EIP are the topic du jour, it seems.
So, of course, after listening to Gibson's conversation with Mel Robbins, I bought two of her books and sailed through them — highly recommended. So, what is EIP, you ask? Gibson defines emotionally immature parents as caregivers who struggle with emotional regulation, empathy and intimacy, often placing their own emotional needs above those of their children sometimes creating environments marked by inconsistency, neglect and emotional distance.
Gibson describes Emotionally Immature Parents (EIPs) in her interview with the NYT's David Marchese, who asks the question: (David): "The broad definition of emotionally immature parents is parents who refuse to validate their children’s feelings and intuitions, who might be reactive and who are lacking in empathy or awareness. But can you give me examples of emotionally immature behaviors? (Lindsay): The biggest one is egocentrism. Imagine that a person starts and ends all their consideration with what’s best for them — that’s egocentrism. I just started watching “The Sopranos” for the first time. If you listen to the dialogue, they completely nailed it, because everything always comes back to the viewpoint of the emotionally immature character. It’s always all about them. Another one is the lack of empathy. The parent just doesn’t get it. They say, “Why are you so upset about this?” Or, “This is not a big deal.” They cannot enter into the reality of their child’s emotional truth."
Get it? Got it? Good. According to Mel Robbins, when she posted about her upcoming interview with Gibson and asked how many people believed they were the adult children of EIPs, nearly 91 percent responded in the affirmative. 91 percent! So that made me wonder, of course, if I was an EIP to my kids and I asked them point blank. Luckily, Marley laughed at my query and assured me I was not. I hope she is not just being nice.
Curious though, that Mel Robbins' demographic — which is largely women in their second half — almost all felt they had been raised by EIPs. Is this a fluke? A real thing? Is it generational? Are the parents in the current generation doing parenting better? Getting it a little bit righter? Who knows. But it does make you think.
I have been reflecting on my own parents and whether they had any EIP tendencies. Fortunately — or not, depending on how you look at it — my mom died too early for me to have any retrospect on that. But I'm about 99.9 percent sure she wasn't an EIP. She was very loving and emotionally aware and supportive, I never felt lacking in those areas. So, I'll give Mom a big non-EIP label. Dad may have had a few tendencies, there were flare ups when he acted a little immature on certain topics, but don't we all have those? Again, survey says — Dad was probably not EIP. And my supporting research is that I have never felt lacking in some of these key emotional areas. Either that, or I've buried them down deep and refuse to acknowledge them because I'm keen on preserving my parents' legacy as perfect, lol. Funny, not funny.
Generally, however, I feel like this has got to be a generational concern. Our parents were raised by parents who were highly cognizant of social structure and making sure things "looked right." They were not into psycho-babble BS or going to therapy or real-talking about anything because EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE. Then by no fault of their own, they raised kids with the same questionable priorities, which are now being flagged as EIP. So maybe they just couldn't help it! Maybe their EIP behavior was simply part of their DNA from Little House on the Prairie days? Does this provide a new opening for change? Maybe now that this EIP stuff out and everyone (EVERYONE) is talking about it, our generation will understand it away, or at least lessen its impact on future generations? Maybe? Hopefully?
If nothing else, maybe we can all use this EIP moment as an opportunity to practice empathy, show an interest in others, ask more questions and listen more, show compassion, seek to understand the people we love and put other people's inputs, happiness, plans and dreams ahead of our own. Let's help turn things around for the next generation and put the EPI-c in our relationships with others.
News you can use
Here’s more about EIP in the news:
Read about the four types of emotionally immature parents in this article.
Some people in psychology say Gibson’s EIP yammerings are a bunch of hooey.
Here’s How to deal with emotionally immature parents, according to TikTok “A term coined by the American psychologist Lindsay Gibson a decade ago has gained traction with a new wave of Gen Z followers on social media.”
Ready to get the conversation started about innovative approaches to senior living with your group? Seniors on a Mission and G3 Village Director Joanne Hickox and I have got you covered. Give me a shout at susannabarton@me.com to schedule a 20-minute presentation on this important aspect of aging vibrantly.
Shelf life
As you might guess, the featured book in this week’s Shelf Life section is Lindsay Gibson’s Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting or Self-Involved Parents. Whether you think it’s bunk or not, it’s an interesting read and chances are you’ll know a person or two — or perhaps 91 percent of the people you know — who fits the bill pretty perfectly.
From Amazon: “If you grew up with an emotionally immature, unavailable, or selfish parent, you may have lingering feelings of anger, loneliness, betrayal, or abandonment. You may recall your childhood as a time when your emotional needs were not met, when your feelings were dismissed, or when you took on adult levels of responsibility in an effort to compensate for your parent’s behavior. These wounds can be healed, and you can move forward in your life. In this breakthrough book, clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson exposes the destructive nature of parents who are emotionally immature or unavailable. You will see how these parents create a sense of neglect, and discover ways to heal from the pain and confusion caused by your childhood. By freeing yourself from your parents’ emotional immaturity, you can recover your true nature, control how you react to them, and avoid disappointment. Finally, you’ll learn how to create positive, new relationships so you can build a better life. Discover the four types of difficult parents:
The emotional parent instills feelings of instability and anxiety
The driven parent stays busy trying to perfect everything and everyone
The passive parent avoids dealing with anything upsetting
The rejecting parent is withdrawn, dismissive, and derogatory
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