Grand Plans: January 18, 2024
A semi-monthly newsletter from Grand Plans designed to normalize and celebrate our glorious geri-destiny through information, stories, real talk conversation, smart planning and shared experience.
Things I’m prattling on about today
I read an article the other day about the history of the New Year's Eve cheers-jingle, "Auld Lang Syne" and now I'm equal parts concerned and informed. For centuries, humans have been drunk-humming this folk song -- in the wee hours of January 1 each year and often during funerals -- raising a glass to the past, to the glory days, to old friends and times gone by. I say that kind of toast-thinking can get us in trouble as we age. Instead, I propose a chipper glass clink and "Salud!" this New Year to the bright future we're all approaching and to more juicy real-talk conversation about the best path to get there.
We can be nostalgic about our memories and relationships, our collections and our experiences. Don't get me wrong. The past is a beautiful place, full of people we've loved and places we've been. I love looking at old photos of my family and reflecting on our traditions and adventures. Yes, I still harbor some of my grandmother's dusty, broken Hummel figurines and a little porcelain Bible that says "God is Love" on it, because they represent a precious other time. I only recently threw out my first baby doll, a cheap artifact with no eyes or clothes that had gotten Chuckie-creepy. It was time. The danger, I think, is in lingering there -- not knowing, it's time. Time to look away.
As humans, we love to linger in the past. A recent story in Hack Spirit called "7 Things People Usually Dwell on When They're Living in the Past," says folks like us are usually reflecting backward on the following seven topics: 1) grudges 2) regrets 3) what-ifs 4) the good ole days of high school fun 5) the glamour of youth 6) old loves and friends and 7) beliefs about ourselves. I LOVE reflecting on all these things! It's a sick, wonderful fascination. Obsessing about grudges, regrets and what-ifs is like watching a bespoke reality television series about my life -- one that includes manufactured drama and ridiculous renderings of what, actually, went down (which was usually far less appealing or obsession-worthy).
We are backward-seeking about the way our parents did life, or what kind of expectations they established. We think about the careers and interests of those we respected, and our own. We imagine our 20-year-old selves and what nice, thick hair and Brooke Shields-y eyebrows we had without even trying (as evidenced in the photo above), and the smaller sizes we wore. We drool over the dreams we made for ourselves early on, and whether we have measured up to them. While Bravo-worthy, this kind of thinking is not good practice. Besides being depressing, it limits our capacity to prepare well for the future
For example, my sweet dad would rather talk about the spouses and illegitimate children of tenth cousins, ten times removed and zesty Ancestry.com findings than entertain conversation about where he might live should he become dependent on others. He could tell you stories of childhood visits to Holly Springs, MS with more exacting presence than he would when he was called upon to answer questions like, "where will you be for Christmas this year?" or "what's the plan for this big house?"
Stuff — fancy items, expensive home goods, clothes and collections that meant something long ago — also is where many aging humans invest their obsessions. Forget "may old acquaintance be forgot," can we at least change the lyrics to something helpful like, "may old collections of once socially acceptable baloney" be forgotten, and maybe donated? Looking backward for many people includes trying to drag hoards of personal prizes around, ridiculous things that for too many decades defined whether a person was in the cool crowd, or not — the Lladro figurines, the tuxedo Lenox china, the crystal champagne flutes, the grandfather clocks, linens that require ironing and silver platters. Heavy dark brown furniture. (Insert green barf face emoji) This stuff may have held sway back in times of yore when people needed expensive junk to designate themselves as special, but let's be real. It has no place in our, or anybody else's, future today. It's an albatross.
On this 2024 New Year's month, let's account for all that nonsense and try to shift our gaze more toward the horizon — where there is joy and opportunity and newness. Maybe we can all promise to at least being more open to, and comfortable with, having honest conversations with our families, friends and each other about what's ahead, and how we can plan well for it all.
Our Golden Years can be vibrant and on point if we just turn around, face forward and embrace it.
News you can use
In the spirit of looking forward, if you were a Tetris baller back in the day, please know this is how the kids are playing it now — they’re freaking beating it (NYT PAYWALL).
Not to be outdone, this is how seniors are staying in the game.
One of my grandmother’s biggest “mistakes” was letting us drink water from the garden hose and sending me off to the Adam Ant/Bow-Wow-Wow concert in an elasticized homemade skirt with a matching bow. This is how grandparents make mistakes today.
In short, getting older means saying goodbye to outdated identities. We can do this!
And this is my new identity — being a guest blogger for New York-based active adult website, agebuzz. You can get to know me in this role here!
One more very important read on living in the present with a focus on designing your legacy. This piece is so dang good, it’s worth subscribing to the WaPo if my gift article link share doesn’t work.
Need moral support to reframe your vision of life’s second half? Looking for some direction? Join us in Jacksonville for these Grand Plans: The Workshop events upcoming:
Speaking of looking ahead, if you’re in the San Antonio, TX area on February 3, come see me at The Twig!
Geris-prudence
Our grandparents may have hidden them under the mattress, but today there are much safer places to keep your will. San Antonio probate attorney and friend Seth K. Bell explains:
Advanced health and fitness
Don’t have a slow reaction when it comes to embracing the second half of life, be ready for it! ACE-certified personal trainer and Silver Sneakers Amy Gunther, whom you’ll read more about below, says sharpening your reaction time should be a core focus of your 50+ workout routine. She delves into these and more helpful topics in her newly released, top-selling book, “Smarter Not Harder: The 7 Tenets of Mindful Fitness After 50.” Here is an excerpt about exercises for improving reaction time:
“I often get perplexed looks when I tell clients that I plan to practice reaction time. After all, reaction time is a term that is commonly used in high school and college athletics. Think about the game of tennis. You must respond quickly when a 70-mph serve is heading your way. Similarly, a tennis player needs to make a split-second decision to return a ball that may or may not be out of bounds—and then get positioned to swing. I fully support the benefits of reaction time and agility training in youth sports, but it is also critically important to practice quick response with active older adults. A fast reaction time means that your brain quickly sends messages to your bones, muscles, and joints to make appropriate movements. This is proprioception—again—that mind-muscle connection. Reaction time naturally decreases with age, primarily due to a reduced loss of cognitive function.”
“…If you are a walker or runner, make it a point to pick up your pace occasionally, even if it is for a short duration. Try a new activity requiring your limbs to move faster, like tennis or pickleball. Zumba and line dancing also require faster movements. Of course, you can dance around your house just as quickly or practice home exercises like air jump rope (no actual rope), kickboxing, punching, bouncing a ball, and juggling. Even playing video games requires quick mind-hand muscle interactions. Put on a virtual reality headset, and it becomes a full-body experience.
Safety considerations should be made when practicing fast movements. Remember, you are not trying to break records out of the gate. Start simply. Consistent practice will yield improvements.”
The grand sum
When you’re looking forward with enthusiasm, your mind will be open to the realities and opportunities of our senior experience — including just how much you need to have saved for it, and exactly where you can afford to live it. This CBS News article will help map that out for you.
For example, I thought it was kinda delulu my dad wanted to spend his golden years in Mississippi, which, spoiler alert, is where $1 million in retirement savings will last you the longest…27 years. Boy was I wrong! Though, these facts and figures should be sobering for all of us. Don’t be delulu about your retirement planning! Now’s the time to get with a smart financial planner and get your Grand Plan together!
According to the CBS piece, “It's worth noting that most Americans are nowhere near having that much money socked away. According to data from financial services firm Credit Karma, Baby boomers have median retirement savings of $120,000, while nearly 30% of people aged 59 or older have saved nothing for their golden years.
That's despite the fact that many retirements now last more than 25 years, according to financial services firm Fidelity. Those meager savings also fall well below the $1.8 million in savings Americans say they need to live out their golden years comfortably, according to a recent Charles Schwab poll.” #GrandPlans
Shelf life
Look what just hit the shelves! This book by my friend and senior fitness expert Amy Gunther (the superstar I gushed over above) is required reading for all of us. Amy is experienced and smart plus, she’s a great teacher, a strength that is well demonstrated in her book. Endorsed by Grand Plans, Smarter Not Harder is a winner. Buy it.
Shared experience
We can all learn from each other’s geri-scary moments. What are some of your takeaway lessons? What have you promised yourself you’ll never do to your loved ones? What worked for you? What didn’t? More conversation and story-sharing helps elevate the senior experience for all of us. If you want to share your grand tales, email susannabarton@me.com and I’ll put them in an upcoming newsletter. Here’s today’s Shared Experience:
“Consider hiring a geriatric care manager for yourself or your loved one. I cannot say enough good things about the Florida firm we used to oversee the needs of my elderly friends. It’s great to have a ‘third-party’ team on your side to coordinate caregivers, hospice and other services. It’s another layer to the expense, but well worth it to connect with professionals who know exactly how to troubleshoot.”
— Anonymous
O-bitchin’
“Journalist Margot Nicodème reported Bornet had "passed away on Christmas Day, leaving behind her a kiss for eternity.” The woman behind “The Kiss,” Francoise Bornet, died at age 93 with quite a legacy. You can read about it here.
I don’t know whether to call this beautifully written New York Times piece a memorial, an obituary, a human interest masterpiece or a mystery feature but it is so well done and tells one person’s life story in the most extraordinary of ways. Please read it, I promise you’ll be inspired.
Some golden gedunk and goods
I’d like to offer my endorsement of the new 50+ makeup that literally most of my friends are talking about and buying…and loving. It’s greasy-ish but it smells DIVINE and leaves your face feeling nourished and glowy. Jones Road is the latest venture of makeup maven Bobbi Brown and let’s be real, it’s all the rage plus you can get it on the Zon.
Get yourself another few copies of Grand Plans: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and the Grand Planner for all the people who like getting gifts in your life! Visit www.mygrandplans.com for links to purchase on Amazon.
Check out our Grand Plans merch in our Etsy storefront.
