Grand Plans: February 27, 2025
A semi-monthly newsletter from Grand Plans designed to normalize and celebrate our glorious geri-destiny through information, stories, real talk conversation, smart planning and shared experience.
Things I’m prattling on about today
The anniversary of Dad's passing came and went January 28 without much fanfare, but it offered plenty of space for reflection and memory hit-spinning about the rich legacy he left us four short years ago. I thought on all the trips we went on, the in-law holiday vacations he so graciously agreed to attend (like the 2005-ish Thanksgiving trip to Cashiers, NC pictured above, the one where we went on a hike and he stepped in dog doo-doo and tracked it into the car and everyone gagged and he cussed himself), the visits, the dinners around our kitchen table, his language fluencies, the enthusiasm for ancestral lore, his penchant for instant iced tea, his "irregular"-priced fashion sense, the flute-playing, the gift of his piano accompaniment during high school cello competitions and all the times he tried to order Caldo at any Mexican food restaurant, even when it wasn't on the menu. Ever. He was a renaissance man by every measure. And he is missed!
But I remain grateful for one Dad moment in particular -- a phone call conversation that yielded my own personal north star. My big life a-ha moment! When I was steeped in panic and trauma during the challenging senior caregiving misadventure that nearly drowned me several years back, Dad called me at work one to offer his ear and counsel. I immediately shut the office door and crawled under my desk. Dad listened to me rant and cry and complain about everything that was awful about that big hairy, yucky situation. And when my sniffling finally subsided, he asked, "But what did you learn from this?" My first thought was an apoplectic, "That I'll never, ever agree to be someone's power of attorney and successor trustee again!!" Sniffle. Sniff. Sniff. And that was the angry answer I stood on for a long while after -- until Dad died a few months later and I was forced to confront that big question again.
The truth is, I learned everything about living from that big hairy, yucky situation. And I learned even more from Dad's unexpected illness and passing. His question -- eventually -- put all that "WTAF?" in perspective: that we learn the good stuff, the helpful, lifechanging stuff, when we go through our most treacherous, heartbreaking, horrifying moments, the ones we don't see coming. These are the experiences that teach us how to navigate and survive and ultimately, to help others. The answer to Dad's question is what appears in the chapters of Grand Plans: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and in this blog, newsletter and social media posts. I am grateful to Dad for asking the question and am passing it on to anyone in the middle of some crazy life cray: What did you learn from this? I promise the answer will one day be freeing.
News you can use
Here’s a very interesting piece in Scientific American about the cognitive benefits of lifetime learning: “Why should adults learn new things in midlife and beyond? The ability to live independently requires periodic “upgrades” because of changes in our environment, especially due to technological advances. Cellphone providers are disconnecting 3G networks, and health care providers are moving toward online-only access to patients' medical records. This means learning how to use a smartphone, or new online portals. And if people avoid learning these skills themselves, it fosters functional dependence—asking others to do stuff for them.”
Interested in taking classes to learn new things and invigorate your brain waves? Check out your local college or university and see what education or travel opportunities they offer. Most schools do and while not all result in a degree or certificate, they provide opportunities to dig into relevant subject matter. See what gives today! Learning for a Lifetime at the University of North Florida is a great example.
Oh, how I love Arthur C. Brooks. One of his recent Atlantic articles, “The Benefit of Doing Things You’re Bad At” articulates why going through hard times, or failures, can be transformative. “Another helpful way to turn the discomfort of failure into a source of progress is what psychologists call “action rumination.” Ruminating on failure is widely recognized to be a destructive waste of time, because this type of reflection focuses on self-worth and what failure says about one as a person. Action rumination is different: It is task-focused and involves replaying the exact missteps that one made and how they could be rectified in the future. Scholars have shown that thinking through something you have done poorly in this deliberately corrective way can lead to learning and improvement as opposed to frustration and chagrin.”
Shelf life
Coming soon! And until then you can still purchase one of these bad boys on Amazon or at your local bookstores.
Grand Plans the OG and the Grand Planner can help walk you through all the great ways to talk to your friends and family about your plans for the second half of life!
Some golden gedunk and goods
Get yourself another few copies of Grand Plans: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and the Grand Planner for all the people who like getting gifts in your life! Visit www.mygrandplans.com for links to purchase on Amazon.
And… Check out our Grand Plans merch in our Etsy storefront.
