Grand Plans: February 1, 2024
A semi-monthly newsletter from Grand Plans designed to normalize and celebrate our glorious geri-destiny through information, stories, real talk conversation, smart planning and shared experience.
Things I’m prattling on about today
My grandmother, Bobbie, had two dogs during her adult life and their names were: Nip (Nippy, Nipsy, Nutsy) One, and Nip (Nippy, Nipsy, Nutsy) Two. Nip One is seen here above, being given much affection by the rolled-stocking-footed Bobbie, who is hanging out with her mom, Addie, and niece, Laurie, at Fort Henderson Farm one weekend long, long ago, most likely in the mid-1950s.
Nip One died before I was born, but Nip Two — Nutsy to the rest of us — was a mainstay at Bobbie's house and, thus, a real star of my childhood memories. Nutsy followed Bobbie everywhere she went, hitched a ride to the Farm each weekend and basically led a charmed life, eating table scraps and disappearing for days into the woods prowling for hot cur dogs to hump. Nutsy smelled terrible. He was always bleeding. He was blind and he hobbled around on mangled dew claws. But gosh if he didn't love and nerve-nourish my grandmother for MORE THAN 20 YEARS. Oldest emotional support dog ever, that Nutsy.
He died right about the time the sh** started hitting the fan with my grandparents' health. It was perfect timing. Nutsy and his wild dog ways would DEF not have been welcome at The Forum in Lincoln Heights. Figuring out what to do with Nutsy would have been a tragedy of epic proportions — both for my grandparents and my own parents, who were managing their care, and our own brood of house pets and teenagers.
The only other senior pet situation I remember was Mama Pennye's. Mama Pennye was my great-grandmother, my dad's grandma. In her Golden Year heyday, she fed feral cats who lived outside. Mama Pennye was deaf and hilarious and independent for most of her 101 years until she wasn't and had to spend her final years in a depressing Karnes City, TX nursing home. It's a good thing her cats weren't domesticated. It's a good thing they could just be shooed away toward some unsuspecting neighbor's house. Everyone was fortunate there wasn’t a collection of little kitties to rehome when it was time for Pennye's last move.
I think unless our pets are feral or well into their ninth life (or last of four legs), we shouldn't jump into pet ownership without making it real clear to ourselves and everyone on our team what will happen to these cuddly creatures when we've crossed our own rainbow bridge. It doesn't mean pets aren't great or that more "seasoned" folks shouldn't have them, it just means serious planning is MOST DEF required. Would you have a baby at age 75 without going down all the obvious rabbit holes first? Who will care for the baby and get them to school should you pass? Who will support that baby, how, and with what? Where will they live if you have a health crisis or can't live at home anymore? Yeah, no. If you were hell-bent on having a baby at age 75, you'd pull your support system in for a family meeting stat and talk about it. You'd set up details and financial arrangements. You'd make sure you had a plan and could afford it and everyone involved would be very clear about any role they might be expected to play.
It's the same deal with a late-in-life pet acquisition. Study after study shows how enriching and emotionally stabilizing a pet can be for adults in their second half. Our lives can actually be lengthened by their presence. No bones about it — animals are a healing presence. But pets are an expensive, unpredictable, and messy long-term commitment. Making the decision to have one requires authentic conversation with our loved ones, a realistic vision of the future, and a willingness to hear the concerns of family who may think the idea is... Nutsy.
News you can use
It’s weird thinking about how the pets we have now may be our last. But at least we’re thinking about it!
Pet ownership should be considered carefully as we age, but there’s no doubt about the cognitive benefits of our four-legged friends. Though it’s hard when they pass.
Here’s what we can learn about human aging from a soon-to-expire study on dogs.
And here’s what we can learn from the long history of tail-wagging.
BTW, the AKC’s newest breed is a…
And here’s the world’s oldest dog — or is he, really?
That’s the power of pets. And a here’s a perfect pairing.
Lessons from the dog park on leaving a legacy.
Sniffing out some moral support for life’s second half? Digging around for some direction? Join us in Jacksonville for these Grand Plans: The Workshop events upcoming:
Dog, I’m going to be in San Antonio, TX on February 3 at The Twig — in paw-son!
Geris-prudence
From the Animal Legal Defense Fund:
Legal Resource — Including Animals in Your Will
Trusts are the most secure option to provide for an animal, because merely including their information in your will may not be sufficient. Wills deal primarily with property distribution, and directives beyond who gets what, including instructions for your animal’s care, may not be legally enforceable. Pet trusts provide an extra layer of security and additional protections.
The good news is that it is relatively easy to set up a worry-free pet trust with the help of an estate planning attorney. Some states have limits on how much money you can leave in a trust for an animal, so it is important to check your state’s specific statute and to consult with an attorney who specializes in estate planning.
The trust will specifically designate a person (and successors should the original person become unavailable) who will carry out your wishes – which you can also lay out in the trust agreement – regarding your cherished animal family members. In addition to naming a caregiver, you should designate a trustee to manage the trust. Ideally these will be different people, and you will want to choose them carefully after a conversation to ensure they are willing to carry out your wishes. The trust can provide a certain amount of money to a designated caregiver as well as specific instructions pertaining to exercise, recreation, vet visits, diet, and more. The funds in this trust will not actually belong to your animals, but they will receive the benefit of the money.
In setting up a trust you also designate a beneficiary to receive the remainder of the funds when the animal dies. For example, many people choose to leave leftover funds to their favorite animal rescue organization. Think twice before leaving leftover funds to a person involved with caregiving unless you trust them completely, as it could be incentive to provide less than the highest level of care. Finally, avoid leaving an astronomical sum of money, as this could make your trust more vulnerable to a court challenge by disgruntled family members.
Another option is to make a direct bequest to an individual (beneficiary) who agrees to use the funds to care for your animals.
Clearly explain your expectations for the care of the animals. This is risky because the beneficiary is under no legal obligation to actually use the money for the care of your animals. You can state in your will that your companion animals may not be used for medical research or product testing under any circumstances. If you have provided in your will for the euthanasia of your animal upon your death, be aware that the courts have invalidated such provisions. You would be better advised to request your executor, a trusted friend, or a reputable humane organization be first given the opportunity to locate an appropriate home for your animals. There is less likelihood a court would overturn such a provision, and your animal may adapt much better than you would expect. Make sure you discuss your plans in advance with the people or organizations you leave in charge so they won’t be surprised and there will be less confusion and delay for your animals.
Advanced health and fitness
Do you know what’s good for the body of your second half? Balance! ACE-certified personal trainer and Silver Sneakers fitness instructor Amy Gunther talks about it in her newly released, top-selling book, “Smarter Not Harder: The 7 Tenets of Mindful Fitness After 50.” Here is an excerpt about how to achieve a healthier balance later in life:
“Fall prevention is a massive concern for the aging population. In the U.S., an older adult seeks medical attention every 11 seconds due to the injuries of a fall. (7) Unfortunately, this can lead to a cycle of balance deterioration, as that person becomes more sedentary during recovery or chooses to be more sedentary out of fear of another fall. This is an example of long-term loss of balance. Occasionally, balance loss can be short-term. Some medications cause dizziness, as do some illnesses like ear infections. Any loss of balance from those situations can be regained quickly with practice. Here are some examples of balance exercises you can do at home (*use a chair to help balance yourself):”
Calf raises
Standing on one leg for 20-30 seconds (like a flamingo)
Standing side leg raises
Walking
The grand sum
From Kiplinger: The Financial Implications of Fluffy: Costs of Becoming a Pet Owner
“Before you bring that adorable dog or cat home, make sure you can afford it over the long run. Here are some of the typical costs of pet ownership to consider first.”
Shelf life
Endorsed by Grand Plans, Smarter Not Harder is doggone awesome — it’s off the chain. Buy it.
Also, this is not a book, but you must check out the latest Grand Plans guest blogging post on agebuzz. This is about taking the first step of a workable Grand Plan: making the death binder.
Shared experience
We can all learn from each other’s geri-scary moments. What are some of your takeaway lessons? What have you promised yourself you’ll never do to your loved ones? What worked for you? What didn’t? More conversation and story-sharing helps elevate the senior experience for all of us. If you want to share your grand tales, email susannabarton@me.com and I’ll put them in an upcoming newsletter. Here’s today’s Shared Experience:
“Another friend recalled how her father-in-law adopted a puppy in his 80s despite everyone telling him what a bad idea that was given his situation. When reality hit, and he had to leave the house for a bit, he tied the dog up in the front yard – until some kind neighbor stepped in to assist.”
— Anonymous
O-bitchin’
Brian Lee DiBella: “Brian died peacefully, alongside his mom of nearly 11 years, Wednesday, July 12th, under the care of Stone Veterinary Hospital staff. Brian was adopted by his mother, Lee Dibella, on December 19th, 2006, and quickly became a dog legends are made of. Brian arrived in our home with the ability to not only sit, but also "give paw." Being able to destroy any crate, gate, door handle or trim and molding in his way, Brian quickly began building loving relationships with all those who came in contact with him, whether it be a new vet, animal control, or whoever's house he found his way to for an uninvited romp. A lover of couches and blankets, Brian had many hobbies. Some of Brian's favorite activities included barking at things not there, cuddling alongside you, taking over his mother's bed, licking his butt, acting like a spazz when it was time to be fed, and trying to figure out who exactly was "the good boy." In his spare time, Brian dreamt violently, thrashing his legs, presumably chasing dastardly felines or squirrels who dared enter his dreams. The quickest way to Brian's heart was with a quality scratch of his rear, and a rub of his belly. Brian will be greatly missed by many, but none more so than his mom. Through thick and thin, she loved him with all her heart, and though the pain she feels without him is great, it in no way would compare to having never had him in her life. Besides his mother, Brian leaves behind a sister, Dr. Frigo Delilah, grandmother, Jeannette DiBella; predeceased by a grandfather, David; his uncle, Michael and family; god-mother, Jennifer DeWitt; and many amazing friends throughout the years. At the wishes of Brian's family, give your dog an extra hug, belly rub, and treat.”
Some golden gedunk and goods
I got my grandkitten, Bean, this drip bowtie wardrobe because she is sophisticated and stylish and totes bougie.
Get yourself another few copies of Grand Plans: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and the Grand Planner for all the people who like getting gifts in your life! Visit www.mygrandplans.com for links to purchase on Amazon.
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