Grand Plans: December 19, 2024
A semi-monthly newsletter from Grand Plans designed to normalize and celebrate our glorious geri-destiny through information, stories, real talk conversation, smart planning and shared experience.
Things I’m prattling on about today
Aloha and Happy Holidays to you! The countdown to family togetherness and ho-ho-ho-ing with the people we love is on. It’s happening, like it does every year — until it doesn’t.
For many people, December can be painful and yucky time of the year. Sometimes called Blue Christmas, or the longest night, ‘tis the season to be not-exactly-jolly and reflect on loved ones lost and the grief that has seeped into our bones, forever a part of us.
I know, very Grinchy. Way to drop the jingle bells, Grand Planner. But let’s be real — this is every human’s story. We all must contend with death at some point or another. We cannot escape it! Every single last one of us are all called upon to expect it, plan for it and be a loving support for our friends and family who experience it. Whether you’ve been naughty or nice, you are always going to be on the list. This is facts.
The photo above was taken when I was in the sixth grade when I had a terrible Dorothy Hamil haircut fail. I’m thinking it was probably 1983 or so. I’d never had a longest night in my life at this point! Hell, I was in Hawaii living large on a Princess cruise with the fam jam, totally clueless. Ten years-ish later, on December 17, 1992, my mom Bobbie Ann Harper Person would be dead following a surprise aneurism during another family trip — one to London to celebrate the end of my semester abroad. Thirty-ish years later, on January 28, 2021, my dad David Bob Person died unexpectedly in San Antonio, TX after a brief illness. The months of December and January take on a new hue of blue for me, ‘gotta say.
But here’s the glitter and gold: this season is also about miracles. Not just THE miracle, but the small acts of love, support and presence that people have the capacity to share with the grieving among us. I’ve experienced so many gifts of compassion and peace during my Blue Christmases past and present and every one of them has been a glorious moment of healing! This is a reminder we can all be miracle-makers for those struggling with loss — including our friends suffering anticipatory grief or worse, ambiguous loss. Think families of the terminally ill or folks who grieve their dementia-free parents.
There are so many ways to support the grieving, and here are a few of them:
Listen without trying to fix. Just being there to listen can be incredibly comforting.
Acknowledge the loss: Mention their loved one’s name and share memories if appropriate. This shows that you recognize their loss and remember the person they loved.
Offer specific help: Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” (please never do this! It is the WOAT!!!) offer to do specific tasks.
Check in regularly: Grieving is a long process, and ongoing support is vital.
Be patient with their process: Know there is no right or appropriate length of time to grieve.
Provide silence: Presence is powerful.
Remember the dates
Whatever you decide to do, just do it. Don’t think to hard on how to be loving, interested and supportive. Just. Do. It. Write the note, go to the funeral, deliver the flowers, make the call, schedule the walk, send the text, give the hug. Just do it. That’s when the miracles happen. We all have the capacity for such a healing touch and now is an excellent time to consider how we can be an angel for others this season.
News you can use
Here’s some more information on holiday grief and why it’s a thing.
Not sure what anticipatory grief is? Learn all about it here in this piece from Cleveland Clinic.
Also not sure about ambiguous grief? Get the deets here.
Ho ho how’s your social media scrolling this season? Make sure you’re connected to Grand Plans on social media (Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and LinkedIn) so you don’t miss a thing! GerontoloGeeWhiz! is the latest little ditty out there on the line. Enjoy!
And you can keep up with all the “GeronTOKogy” fun by following MyGrandPlans on TikTok. This is new territory for me so be patient!
Shelf life
This is a great book, it will definitely serve you up some great ideas on how to support the ones you love. Put it on your how-can-I-help menu today!
‘Tis the season to order a few copies of Grand Plans and the Grand Planner for all your friends on your holiday list!
Some golden gedunk and goods
Get yourself another few copies of Grand Plans: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and the Grand Planner for all the people who like getting gifts in your life! Visit www.mygrandplans.com for links to purchase on Amazon.
And… Check out our Grand Plans merch in our Etsy storefront.
