Grand Plans: August 29, 2024

A semi-monthly newsletter from Grand Plans designed to normalize and celebrate our glorious geri-destiny through information, stories, real talk conversation, smart planning and shared experience.

Things I’m prattling on about today

Last weekend in Lake Toxaway, NC, I enjoyed a lovely dinner at a friend’s house where we sat around a big, grand table and talked about topics of the day. As the conversation moved to more sobering subjects and a recap of my cousin’s natural burial the weekend before, the hostess pointed to the table under our placemats.

“You know, this is an antique wake table,” she said, eyes alight. Captivated, I inspected the table a little closer and could see how a coffin or body might fit just perfectly there — perhaps even more appropriately than the four-seater setting over which we’d been noshing. A wake table in the middle of a beautiful home. Could anything be better for this dinner guest? I was in love. Of course, an explanation of its origins got us talking about how we wanted to be buried and where and why it’s so terrible that death is no longer an intimate community celebration and why it’s so taboo and sterile. Death and celebrations of life used to be as normal as flogging a corpse on the dinner table. Why on earth can’t we get back to that?

I researched wake tables on the Google machine and learned a little bit about the history. It’s fascinating. Here’s some research from a story in the Rockford Register-Star:

“…We found a reference to a “wake table” that was designed to hold the coffin for the “guest of honor” at a traditional Irish/Celtic wake. Today, we tend to view the deceased at a funeral home where he or she has been prepared for burial. But in earlier times, when someone died — particularly in a home with Celtic heritage — a window was opened so the spirit of the departed could leave the house. It was considered bad luck to stand between the deceased and the open window — thus impeding his or her spiritual departure. After about two hours the window was closed to prevent the spirit from returning to its earthly body. All the clocks were stopped and women gathered to bathe and dress the deceased. The body was then laid out on a wake table — or as expressed to G. A. N. — a coffin table. However, in most cases the body would not actually be placed in a coffin until after the undertaker arrived, which was the morning after a night (or two) of vocal lamentations about the passing, and stories about the life of the dearly departed. Yes, there was also food, music, dancing, drinking and even a few games to make the Irish/Celtic wake seem something like a party.”

I love the idea of a wake being “something like a party.” Cheers to that! Death comes for all of us, we should celebrate or universal destiny, not be scared of it or afraid to talk about it. And part of it is just plain smart. Here’s a great story from the Asheville Citizen-Times about funeral and death rituals, which talks about the practicalities around getting someone buried and celebrated. Very interesting.

Many cultures around the world celebrate death instead of lamenting it. An article in Britannica, presumably the online holdout from Encyclopedia Britannica (memba those?), featured several of them in this article including: Tibetan sky burials; Famadihana in Madagascar; water burials in Nordic countries; parades in India; the Zoroastrian tradition of the tower of silence; the South Koreans’ ashes to death beds; and many burial rituals in the Philippines.

Of course, in Judaism, there is the tradition of sitting shiva. According to Wikipedia, shiva is ” the week-long mourning period in Judaism for first-degree relatives. The shiva period lasts for seven days following the burial. Following the initial period of despair and lamentation immediately after the death, shiva embraces a time when individuals discuss their loss and accept the comfort of others.” I like the idea of sitting with loss and offering comfort and coming to terms with death. This is a beautiful tradition.

One of the dinner guests last weekend offered he would like to be buried Viking style — in a burning boat cast off to sea. I think that sounds very cool. Much cooler than the options we tend to embrace now which are burial or cremation — with no side of wake table.

Honestly, I’m not sure I’d like to have a corpse taking up usable space on a wake table in my dining room. But what if that was a normal, natural every day thing? What if we embraced the beauty of death with more celebratory, community oriented rituals? What if death was like birth? Something to get excited about, not something to fear? Let’s set a table for more conversations on this topic, shall we?

News you can use

There’s one more Grand Plan presentation upcoming, mark your calendar:

Also, I’ll be leading the St. John’s Cathedral Bookstore and Gift Shop’s First Monday Book Club reading of "The Book of Charlie: Wisdom from the Remarkable American Life of a 109-Year-Old Man” on September 9. Here are the deets:

Monday, September 9, 2024, 12:00 PM

The First Monday Book Club meets virtually from Noon – 1 p.m. each month on the first Monday. We enjoy lively discussion of our book selections and fellowship from friends from our Cathedral family and beyond. Zoom has expanded our group beyond Jacksonville! We currently have members in Georgia, North Carolina, Oregon and Texas. All book selections are available for purchase in the bookstore or on our Bookshop site. For more information on the event, click here.

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Grand Plans Podcast

I welcome any podcast guest suggestions! This season we’re talking to people who have been there done that. We’re talking about our experiences and lessons learned. Let me know if you want to be part of the conversation and sharing!

Shelf life

Order a copy of Grand Plans and the Grand Planner for all your friends. Why not start a summer book club and hold each other accountable?

Shared experience

We can all learn from each other’s geri-scary moments. What are some of your takeaway lessons? What have you promised yourself you’ll never do to your loved ones? What worked for you? What didn’t? More conversation and story-sharing helps elevate the senior experience for all of us. If you want to share your grand tales, email susannabarton@me.com and I’ll put them in an upcoming newsletter.

Some golden gedunk and goods

Get yourself another few copies of Grand Plans: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and the Grand Planner for all the people who like getting gifts in your life! Visit www.mygrandplans.com for links to purchase on Amazon.

And

Check out our Grand Plans merch in our Etsy storefront.