Grand Plans: August 15, 2024
A semi-monthly newsletter from Grand Plans designed to normalize and celebrate our glorious geri-destiny through information, stories, real talk conversation, smart planning and shared experience.
Things I’m prattling on about today
There comes a time in everyone’s caregiving experience when geri-drama claims a leading role in the story and morphs whatever tedious nonfiction tome you’ve been reading at bedtime into a page-turning, cliff-hanging, scream-evoking, Stephen King-style horror thriller that you can’t put down even if you’re exhausted and can’t keep your eyes open another minute. It’s when manageable becomes — wtaf is going on here? Is this real? Could it get any worse? Is there a denouement, for crying out loud? And the further you flip ahead in a panic, trying to find the nice, tidy conclusion, you realize — there isn’t one.
This is the time when every caregiver or “the person” needs a designated listener — someone who knows the storyline and will ask questions like “so what happened today?” or “then what?” or best, “can we read another chapter? People who are in the middle of geri-drama want to talk about their page-turning misadventures and a friend dedicated to hearing it is a resource like no other.
When I was remote caregiving for an older couple several years ago, I dumped on my friend, Lindsey during our morning runs. It was cathartic and helped me put the situation in perspective, even gave me clarity on action plans for the impossible scenarios I was facing on the daily. I would become incredulous if folks in my circle forgot to ask “what happened today?” because things were sooooo happening everyday, and always with new intensities and complexities. When I hosted a five-week Grand Plans workshop earlier this year, it became clear the real purpose of these gatherings was to allow folks the space to purge their “hold my beer” caregiving stories — the ones that had been bottled up and under-shared because there aren’t enough people out there willing to listen.
When someone asks, “so what happened today?” a caregiver can vomit the newest, most outrageous plot developments such as (these are all truths from shared stories of many Grand Plans friends):
She spent $30K this month on Candy Crush cheats.
I learned he had been married for the past 10 years.
They gave the aide the debit card and she made her car payments with it.
He said men hiding in the wall crawled in through the vent and took his iPad.
I’ made it through one room of the house today.
The power guy was outside about to turn the electricity off but the housekeeper was able to make payment at the grocery store.
The caregiver was three hours late this morning and it was a mess.
The house, the one that will provide for caregiving costs, was three days away from foreclosure.
The HOA has sued over the height of the hedges.
We weren’t sure if it was scabies or something else.
The moral of this story is this: if you know a person in the middle of some caregiving trials, understand they are most likely reading the worst, most unsettling book they’ve ever picked up and they would benefit greatly from your asking one, simple question: “so, what happened today?” Your interest and audience can help your friend develop a bestselling takeaway from their geri-dramatic work.
News you can use
There’s one more Grand Plan presentation upcoming, mark your calendar:
Also, I’ll be leading the St. John’s Cathedral Bookstore and Gift Shop’s First Monday Book Club reading of "The Book of Charlie: Wisdom from the Remarkable American Life of a 109-Year-Old Man” on September 9. Here are the deets:
Monday, September 9, 2024, 12:00 PM
The First Monday Book Club meets virtually from Noon – 1 p.m. each month on the first Monday. We enjoy lively discussion of our book selections and fellowship from friends from our Cathedral family and beyond. Zoom has expanded our group beyond Jacksonville! We currently have members in Georgia, North Carolina, Oregon and Texas. All book selections are available for purchase in the bookstore or on our Bookshop site. For more information on the event, click here.
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Grand Plans Podcast
I welcome any podcast guest suggestions! This season we’re talking to people who have been there done that. We’re talking about our experiences and lessons learned. Let me know if you want to be part of the conversation and sharing!
Shelf life
Order a copy of Grand Plans and the Grand Planner for all your friends. Why not start a summer book club and hold each other accountable?
Shared experience
We can all learn from each other’s geri-scary moments. What are some of your takeaway lessons? What have you promised yourself you’ll never do to your loved ones? What worked for you? What didn’t? More conversation and story-sharing helps elevate the senior experience for all of us. If you want to share your grand tales, email susannabarton@me.com and I’ll put them in an upcoming newsletter.
Some golden gedunk and goods
Get yourself another few copies of Grand Plans: How to Mitigate Geri-Drama in 20 Easy Steps and the Grand Planner for all the people who like getting gifts in your life! Visit www.mygrandplans.com for links to purchase on Amazon.
And
Check out our Grand Plans merch in our Etsy storefront.
